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Garin loses bargaining chips with Janette’s appointment

“I don’t wanna talk about things we’ve gone through. Though it’s hurting me, now it’s history. I’ve played all my cards. And that’s what you’ve done, too. Nothing more to say; no more ace to play.” ABBA in “The Winners Takes It All”

By Alex P. Vidal

NOW that Dr. Janette Loreto-Garin has been officially appointed by President Simeon Benigno “Nonoy” Aquino III as secretary of the Department of Health (DOH), father-in-law Oscar “Oca” Garin Sr. loses his political bargaining chips in the 2016 elections.

When Mr. Aquino delayed Loreto-Garin’s appointment (he was supposed to install her after the visit of Pope Francis in January), there were speculations that the president “has changed mind” as he is now notoriously known.

February came and still Loreto-Garin and her fans were anxiously waiting on tenterhooks; her fate wasn’t clear.

The scuttlebutt was the “dark forces” within the department prevailed upon the president to forego with Loreto-Garin’s appointment as DOH chief and retain her as undersecretary.

Lo and behold, Malacanang delivered the coup de grace on March 12 when everyone’s attention was somewhere else: Loreto-Garin is now officially the new full-fledged DOH secretary.

Good news for the Garin clan of Iloilo and the Loreto clan of Leyte.

How about to the older Garin’s political plans in 2016?

Garin Sr., father of Loreto-Garin’s husband, Iloilo first district Rep. Oscar “Richard” Garin Jr., is reportedly planning to run for vice governor of Iloilo in 2016.

UNCLEAR

It is still unclear though, as of this writing, whether Governor Arthur “Art” Defensor Sr. is inclined to accommodate a fellow Liberal Party (LP) stalwart Garin Sr. as Defensor’s runningmate in 2016.

Garin Sr. could have used the delay or rejection of Loreto-Garin’s appointment in the DOH as a bargaining chip to compel Malacanang to consider him as Defensor’s runningmate in 2016 or he will make tampo or sunggod and bolt the party and embrace the opposition owing to the “double whammy” (if Loreto-Garin didn’t bag the DOH’s top portfolio and the nomination as Defensor’s runningmate).

Now that Loreto-Garin’s appointment is moot and academic, Garin Sr. has no more reason to make tampo or sunggod  to Malacanang or to the LP hierarchy.

A political debt of gratitude today could mean a death blow to any ambition for higher posts in the future.

If Garin Sr. can’t clinch LP’s vice gubernatorial slot in Iloilo, he has no more aces in his sleeves to pressure President Aquino and the LP bigwigs.

We have given your daughter-in-law the biggest pork. Leave to us the beans, Malacanang and the LP bosses can always tell Oca Garin straight in the eyes.

After all, beggars can’t be choosers.

-o0o-

THE claim of West Visayas State University (WVSU) professor, Ma. Rosario Victoria E. De Guzman, that some college students, mostly below legal age, are engaging in “survival sex” or prostitution to finish their studies, is not new.

Parents have heard this story in the 80’s and 90’s and even in the early years of the new millennium.

Each time the issue is tackled in the media, school authorities and social scientists almost always blamed the economic dilemma that bedevils the students involved in selling their bodies for sex.

We agree to some extent. There really is a need to seriously address this gnawing problem with the active participation of the parents.

Economic realities force students to perform lewd acts in the internet and sexual services to patrons who take advantage of their plight.

Concerned authorities should trace the problem’s origin at home.

Financial problem may not be the only reason why some young students engage in prostitution.

Many members of the younger generation nowadays are hooked on a lot of vices and even illegal drugs.

They need not only money but attention, as well. Attention from their parents, guardians and guidance counselors; attention from their friends, boyfriends and girlfriends.

In their confusion, some of these young students get the “quickest” and the “most practical” answers to their questions about their sexuality from non-experts or from those outside their homes and schools.

Here’s another catch: Ninety-nine percent of “experts” in the sexual problems of women never had a menstrual period, a hot flash, or a baby—and never will, according to Dr. David Reuben, an expert in human sexuality.

“In fact they will never have any female sexual experiences at all—because they are men,” he added.

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Sex and emotions

“Women are systematically degraded by receiving the trivial attentions which men think it manly to pay to the sex, when, in fact, men are insultingly supporting their own superiority.” Mary Wollstonecraft

By Alex P. Vidal

DO we belong in the Maria Clara times if we still equate sex with emotional attachment?

Has sex nowadays become a commercial commodity that can be experienced even with the absence of a serious relationship commitment?

Some of the sexual revolution ideology stated that it was old-fashioned to want to connect sex with feelings—it meant you weren’t “hip.”

Not only marriage but monogamy and love or even tender feelings were often considered to be something only “neurotic” women wanted.

The idea was that “people should spontaneously have sex and not worry about hurting each other, just behave freely and have sex, no strings, anytime with anybody, just for pure physical pleasure.”

But almost no woman in the study conducted by Shere Hite, an American-born German sex educator, wanted that kind of sexual relationship very often—although a few thought that they should:

“I saw a TV show the other night and this guy said we need to separate sex and love and I think he is right—that is why women get hurt so much because men for some reason seem to be able to do this while we have a great deal of trouble separating them. At least I don’t seem to be able to.”

According to Hite, whose sexological work has focused primarily on female sexuality, “Overwhelmingly, women wanted sex with feeling.”

TESTIMONIES

Here are some of the testimonies of the respondents in Hite’s study published in The Hite Report:

ALMA: “I think the sexual revolution is fantastic. But I have remained ‘faithful’ to my husband and will because I know from past experience that sex with me is totally involved with personal relationship. It’s part of me that I can’t separate from the rest of my body and mind. I could not successfully divide my sexual life among two or more.”

ROSE: “I think the sexual revolution has totally distorted the place of sexuality to the point that it has become an end in itself, an escape, or a desperate attempt to achieve love. Writers like Rollo May (Love and Will) and the women’s movement have helped me to value the integration of love and sex as opposed to casual encounters with partners who do not value me.”

DEBBIE: “Well, I like being able to have a sexual life even though I am not married. But I do not like the casual and ‘cool’ sort of relationship as well as what used to be called ‘romance.’ I like to feel involved with someone.”

RUTH: “I approve of the acceptance of sexual desires and relations. But personally I still believe it is more desirable to have a personally intimate and close relationship, not a casual one.”

REBECCA: “Where I see trouble is in people of my generation, many of my friends.  In their attempts to be freed by the sexual revolution they have undertaken sexual practices they are not psychologically equipped to handle. In joining groups gropes and multiple sexual encounters they seem to mess up their lives…leave their partners and families for all the wrong reasons…become middle-aged hippies, as though we could ever be twenties again.

“They seem confused and definitely not content. This older group has simply forgotten that sex should be a thing that fits in nicely with a lot of other things like a good nourishing one-to-one relationship, work, personal growth, strengthening friendships, going fishing and watching sunsets.

“I get the feeling they’ve thrown out all the commitments, not just the bad ones, and sex has become the mainspring of their every waking moment.

“The sexual revolution has permitted me to share home and life with a man without marrying, and it gave me the right to choose my way of life without having to be a flag-carrying rebel about it, but if I were not to pick and choose within this revolution to suit myself, to avoid damaging myself…then I would not have been freed by the so-called revolution either; they’ve just exchanged one kind of slavery for another.

“Without doubt though, more good than harm has come of it, and my generation will pass out of it in time anyway.”

SUPPLEMENT

TIFFANY: “I like sex a lot. But it can only supplement a warm affectionate, mutually respecting, full personhood relationship. It can’t be a relationship. It can’t prove love. It can’t prove anything. I have found sex with people I don’t really like, or who I’m not certain will really like me, or with people I don’t feel I know well, to be very shallow and uncomfortable and physically unsatisfying.

“I don’t believe you have to be ‘in love’ and married ‘till death do us part.’ But mind and body are one organism and all tied up together, and it isn’t even physically fun unless the people involved really like each other.”

JESSICA: “The sexual revolution is great. But as an individual I feel I could not have sex except with someone I loved. And if I felt such love I’d want it permanently (as permanent as anything can be). I am even at 53 a romantic idealist—Damn it!”

JANE: “Because I’m very sensitive and afraid of getting hurt (I’m only 18), I still imbue intercourse with very strong emotional meaning. It upsets me and leaves me unhappy to be with someone who views intercourse casually and feels no meaningful tenderness afterwards.”

PAULA: “My emotions play an enormous part in sex for me—maybe too much for my liking. I sometimes feel that I’m too ‘particular,’ or selective or delicate—I have to be feeling very intensely, or in love, or overwhelmed by sexual feelings in order to enter a deep sexual encounter. Sometimes I worry about whether the man will expect too much from me, sometimes whether I will expect too much from him.

“Sometimes I worry about whether I won’t feel enough, or will be disappointed afterwards. At times I have gone out to have a totally casual encounter just to avoid these complications. Most of my relationships—maybe all—begin with a combination of the physical and emotional. I can’t get turned on to a partner without an emotional or mental factor being present, even if not primary. And sometimes it is primary, and the physical secondary.”

DONNA: “I think the sexual revolution has caused a lot of suffering. People use it to avoid commitment; they refuse to work a relationship, preferring to search for the ‘perfect’ love. They fantasize their way through relationships, always seeking perfection, running scared at the first sign that work is needed to help two people together.

“No one knows where the other person is at, and what attracts one may turn off another. Everyone wants to try everything, but not stick to any one thing, so they change from day to day, and are bewildered by the way they and their friends reverse opinions and trade partners.

“I’m not saying the old way was better, but I’m afraid of what kind of life I can look forward to. I’m not married, but even if I do get married it seems that my marriage has a small chance of surviving. And I don’t see the advantages of this style, frankly.”

ELAINE: “I’m confused as hell about the ‘sexual revolution.’ My husband and I lived and slept together for over a year before we were married—and that was fine. We loved each other and there was some kind of commitment between us. The summer before I was married, my (then) fiancé was away and I slept twice with another man because I was curious. Fine.

“As I mentioned earlier, I lost my virginity to a friend, a bit of a cold way to start out, but I was scared and wanting to get laid, so he helped me out. Fine.

“But extra-marital sex, after a man and a woman have made a big commitment to each other—I can’t buy. I moved out on my husband when he took on a girl friend because I couldn’t stand the pain. A year later, right now, we’re negotiating. We seem to be at a stalemate. I hate to think of myself as behind the times, but I just can’t hack anything but monogamy.”

GREATEST

HELEN: “I still believe the greatest sexual satisfaction comes from having a partner you care about. I’ve gone through stages of having several lovers and thinking I was really liberated. But I’m much more fulfilled now with one caring partner.”

MICHELLE: “I went along with the sexual revolution quite a while until I realized that holding my feelings back was causing me lots of anguish. I was very depressed. I tried opening communications line up—that was part of the problem, but not all of it. Now, in love with my lover and trusting him, I can see how all that damaged me—made my trust mechanisms inhibited by sex.

“For a while I stopped having sex with him because I couldn’t love and fuck him both. These days things are much better. I think that the loyalty is important.”

MARY: “It’s an overreaction and after years and years of the old double standard, of women expected to be pure and virginal for marriage and to always set the limits, society has overturned itself.

“Now women are supposed to be willing, ready, and able to have sex with anyone, anytime, no strings attached and so on. Out of the latter swing of the pendulum have come some good opening ups of certain repressive taboos.

“But women, and men, remain oppressed by these roles. I have found that I can’t detach myself from sex and still enjoy it. I can’t make love with someone I’m not supposed to trust—and feel good about it.

“These attitudes don’t treat me like a whole person either. Too much mind/body separation results in either compulsive screwers or strained virgins!”

BERNADETTE: “I have mixed feelings about the sexual revolution. Hedonism seems the opposite side of the coin of Puritanism.  My daughters tell me that they feel used and abused and refused promiscuity, although they have had sex with young men they cared about. I personally hate the singles scene. It makes me feel like a walking cunt!”

SOPHIA: “I guess I like the idea of intercourse—two people’s bodies joined in an act of love or mutual excitement or whatever, but I’ve become so disillusioned by the whole thing—having met and fucked with a lot of guys who (as I came to realized later) just wanted to get laid and liked the looks of my body but wanted little or nothing to do with me.

“I have come to regard sex as exploitative—having sex is almost like saying ‘here, fuck me, do anything with me that you want, I’m not worth anything anyway.’

“I guess I’m sort of screwed sexually, my ideas about sex are screwed up, and I hope my therapy will help me there. I’ve found I have a lot of guilt feelings and a refusal to enjoy sex, or at least that is what my therapist says.”

 
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Posted by on December 30, 2014 in EDUCATION, PSYCHOLOGY

 

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How sex got a bad reputation

“Love is something far more than desire for sexual intercourse; it is the principal means of escape from the loneliness which afflicts most men and women throughout the greater part of their lives.” Bertrand Russell

By Alex P. Vidal

IS sex dirty?

Sex for procreation good.

For health good also?

Sexual behavior is often judged by clergymen whose qualifications include their solemn renunciation of sexual intercourse.

“Tragically,” protests Dr. David Reuben in Beyond the Birds and Trees, “those who undertake to control our sexual destinies are often sexually sick themselves. The decency league dedicated to abridging sexual behavior—except on their terms—are simply trying to deprive others of the reasonable use of their sexual orgasms.”

Reuben adds: “Every one of us has made that seven-inch journey through the penis into the vagina to meet the other half of our future protoplasm, and has then settled in the uterus for the 280-day wait. There is no reason now to be ashamed of how we traveled and where we grew—there is no more suitable place.”

In Any Woman Can, Reuben, 81, a psychiatrist and sex expert who now lives in California, says sex started with the crocodile.

“This scaly cold-blooded distant relative of man was the first animal to develop a penis. Before then, life was much simpler. All the earth’s inhabitants had about the same type of sexual equipment and used it about the same way.”

This was how Reuben explained further:

The male and female simply backed up to each other, wiggled their sexual equipment into contact, and oozed primitive sperm into contact with primitive eggs.

There wasn’t much to see, hardly anything to feel, and in many species if a couple turned on like this once a year, it was sufficient. Twice a year was oversexed and many animals copulated only once in a lifetime.

VISIBLE

For one thing penis was visible. Secondly, it revolutionized sex by fitting inside the female body. In those days there was no such thing as a vagina. The female sexual equipment was a cloaca consisting of a common channel for urine, feces, and semi-annual eggs. (Things have improved a lot for women since then.)

Obviously, the crocodile penis too has undergone major design modifications as it was handed down over the years to homo sapiens. From the evolutionary point of view the modern American male sports the latest in phallic equipment. But problem still remained.

Men equipped with this wonderful organ quickly developed a lively interest in the female sexual apparatus, by then improved and expanded into a closely-coupled vagina, labia, and clitoris.

Like the crocodiles before them men and women discovered that combining their sexual resources resulted in immense pleasure for both contributors.

For the next 50,000 years all went well. Sex was a normal psychological function as routine as swimming had been to the crocodile and as essential and enjoyable as eating was to early man. Then came the Dark Ages.

About 400 A.D. Western civilization abruptly lurched in a different direction. Suddenly sex was out and guilt was in.

As some long-forgotten genius in the field of medieval motivational psychology discovered, men and women are unbelievably responsive to the liking up of sex and guilt.

From that moment on, the fate of society (and most of its members) was sealed. The most efficient means of controlling human behavior had been put into effect: focus on an activity which everybody must engage in—sex; select its most joyable aspect—copulation; finally provide the threat of severe and relentless punishment for its enjoyment.

As the machinery of sexual repression creaked into action, the power and influence of those in control grew enormously. There were, to be sure, a few hitches at first but all resistance finally yielded to the crushing force of sexual repression.

PROBLEMS

One of the major early problems was that the moralists actually underestimated the potential of their new weapon to change the destiny of the Western world.

Apparently the original idea was to make sex only a minor transgression. However all levels of society almost immediately succumbed to the irresistible urge to feel guilty about perfectly normal sexual feelings. In effect this was the “new morality,” Dark Ages version.

In some ways a most frightening form. Sex rapidly became an emotional commodity to be consumed under the strictest prohibitions, if at all.

Like the famous insurance policy that pays off is the insured is killed by a cable car on the Fourth of July while carrying an Easter bunny, sexual relations came to be allowed only under the most rigid restrictions.

According to these forerunners of our modern moral guardians, sex was to be limited to married couples in bed, in the dark, fully clothed, ideally involving an important man and a frigid woman with just enough sperm dripping onto the lady’s private parts to bring on a joyless impregnation.

That was another challenge for the moral reformers. Since it sets a liberal tone toward sex, a major hatchet job was in order.

The Good Book was extensively distorted and misinterpreted to make it appear to endorse sexual repression.

Genesis was reinterpreted to make Adam and Eve seem like sinners who were evicted from the Garden of Eden for daring to engage in sexual intercourse.

SANITIZED

Later versions were further sanitized and Adam’s penis was replaced by the ever-present serpent hovering greedily around Eve’s pubic fig leaf.

The sexual purifiers smugly ignored reality: if God had not intended His first man and woman to copulate He would simply have molded their mortal clay a bit differently and left them nothing to work with.

Some of the changes were downright silly. In the Revised Version of the Bible of 1881, the word “whore” was changed to “harlot” and the term, “whoremonger” was replaced by “fornicator.” No exact figures are available to the number of souls saved by these semantic gymnastics.

The Bible was only the beginning. After emasculating this once lusty and vital Scripture, every other possible work of man, artistic and literary, were purged and distorted to eliminate any mention of rational human sexuality.

Fifteen hundred years ago the single most enduring principle of Western society was forged: SEX IS BAD.

From that moment to the present, hundreds of millions of innocent people have been brainwashed into believing a silly bit nonsense: sex is synonymous with sin.

Regrettably, no force on earth has been able to turn back the emotional calendar and the misconception goes on, constantly reinforced.

For more than a dozen centuries every persuasive force available has been harnessed to desexualize the most highly-sexed animal this planet has ever known—the human being. Their message is always the same and always untrue: sex, except under nearly impossible circumstances, is wicked.

One of the real tragedies of recent times is the attempted corruption of the human body. A small group of moral crusaders, working with that fevered devotion seen only in the mentally deranged, has been trying to convince everyone that the perfectly synchronized beautifully designed, elegantly planned mechanisms of their bodies are nasty, filthy, and horrid.

That psychological masterpiece which makes human reproduction unique has been distorted by those who should know better into a curse and a sickness.

MENSTRUATION

In reality menstruation signifies perfect health. The ounce or two of blood that is passed each month is the banner of a normal reproductive system. If blood is unclean, imagine what the moral crusaders can make of a nosebleed.

When it comes to sexual intercourse, the guerrilla fighters for purity bring on their big guns. Their favorite word is “dirty”—and they are wrong again.

By every test, sexual intercourse is probably the purest and daintiest activity that a man and woman can engage in, aside from being the most enjoyable.

The genitals themselves are normally free of harmful bacteria, the secretions are perfectly sterile, and the penis and vagina were obviously designed to be brought together in their own inimitable style.

By contrast, the throat of every person, including the anti-sex orators, is crammed with a dozen varieties of lethal bacteria.

These include the bugs that cause diphtheria, gonorrhea, strep throat, and rheumatic fever. If they want to start a crusade, it should probably begin in their own noses and mouths.

Actually the sexual reformers are on the wrong track. If they really hope to make men and women afraid of themselves, they might devote their attention to other organ systems.

Breathing offers a good opportunity. We take in good clean air and pervert it into bad breath! Only a few cynical mouthwash salesmen have jumped on that one, but there is plenty of room for moral education about how the body ruins God-given oxygen.

Sweating is another good area. Fifty thousand years ago human beings used their noses as much as their eyes. They could identify a stranger by his smell and could distinguish approaching animals and men by their specific odors.

The need for that talent has diminished somewhat but the human aroma still clings to man. It is now known as “body odor” and must be eliminated at all costs.

A human who smells like a human is headed for social and occupational disaster. In order to be accepted by the rest of his race, his breath must reek of carbolic acid, his armpits give off the scent of gardenias, and his skin exude hexachlorophene.

A few years ago chlorophyll tablets were developed to expunge once and for all every trace of human smells. (As a tribute to man’s sanity, they were tried and quickly discarded by all except fugitives wishing to avoid the bloodhounds.)

FRONTIER

Perhaps the last frontier for those reformers who want to protect us against ourselves is the digestive system. If they really concentrated they might be able to spoil the pleasure of eating for a hundred million or so fellow citizens. All they would need to do would be to explain, “When you take that beautiful food, provided for you by Heaven’s bounty, and put it into your body, it is attacked by filthy chemicals and changed into a green stinking mass. Do you know what that food finally becomes? Do you know what it is turned into?”

The lecture would have to stop at this point because the devoted moralists couldn’t say the word.

Every organ, every secretion, every cell of the human body was put there by nature, by the Creator, for a purpose.

The respiratory system, the digestive system, the sweat glands, all have a vital function in the preservation of the body. The sexual organs are no exception. For the past few hundred years, not more than a fleeting moment in the history of mankind, a strange collection of misguided do-gooders and moralizing misfits have tried to make us forget how we all arrived in this world. They miss the point. Ever since the beginning of the human race, sexual intercourse has been the most noble and wholesome of all man’s activities.

In spite of the shrill protests of those self-appointed moral guardians, nothing is going to change that.

Every woman, married or not, deserves the freedom to enjoy the ultimate expression of her sexual potential. With knowledge and determination and courage, that achievement is within her grasp.

 
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Posted by on December 26, 2014 in EDUCATION

 

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Sex and Super Sex–The Human Zoo

“One of the bizarre satisfactions of rape for the sadist is that the writhings and facial expressions of pain he produces in the female are somewhat similar to the writhings and facial expressions of a female experiencing an intense orgasm.”

By Alex P. Vidal 

WHEN we put a piece of food into our mouth it does not necessarily mean that we are hungry. When we take a drink it does not inevitably indicate that we are thirsty.
In the Human Zoo, wrote English zoologist Desmond Morris, eating and drinking have come to serve many functions. We may be nibbling peanuts to kill time, or we may be sucking sweets to soothe our nerves.
Like a wine-taster, we may merely savor the flavor and then spit the liquid out, or we may down 10 pins of beer to win a wager. Under certain circumstances, we may be prepared to swallow a sheep’s eyeball in order to maintain our Facebook status.
“In one of these cases is the nourishment of the body the true value of the activity,” wrote Morris. “This multi-functional utilization of basic behavior pattern is not unknown in the world of animals, but, in the human zoo, man’s ingenious opportunism extends and intensifies the process.”
Let’s examine the different functions of sexual behavior one by one. Morris reminds us that “it is important to realize at the onset that, although these functions are separate and distinct, and sometimes clash with one another, they are not all mutually exclusive. Any particular act of courtship or copulation may serve several functions simultaneously.”
These are the 10 sexual functional categories, according to Morris:
1. PROCREATION SEX. There can be argument that this is the most basic function of sexual behavior. It has sometimes been mistakenly argues that it is the only natural and therefore proper role. Paradoxically, some of the religious groups that claim this do not practice what this preach, monks, nuns and many priests denying themselves the very activity which they hold to be so uniquely natural.

2. PAIR-FORMATION SEX. The human animal is basically and biologically a pair-forming species. As the emotional relationship develops between a pair of potential mates it is aided and abetted by the sexual activities they share. The pair-formation function of sexual behavior is so important for our species that nowhere outside the pairing phase do sexual activities regularly reach such a high intensity.

3. PAIR-MAINTENANCE SEX. Once a pair-bond has been successfully formed, sexual activities still function to maintain and reinforce the bond. Although these activities may become more elaborate and extensive, they usually become less intensive than those of the pair-forming stage, because the pair-forming function is no longer operating.

4. PHYSIOLOGICAL SEX. In the healthy adult human male and female there is a basic physiological requirement for repeated sexual consummation. Without such consummation, a physiological tension builds up and eventually the body demands relief. Any sexual act that involves an orgasm provides the orgasmic individual with this relief. Even if copulation fails to fulfill any of the other nine functions of sexual behavior, it can at least satisfy this basic physiological need.

5. EXPLORATORY SEX. One of man’s greatest qualities is his inventiveness. In all probability our monkey ancestors were already endowed with a reasonably high level of curiosity; it is a characteristic of the whole primate group. However, when our early human ancestors took to hunting, they undoubtedly had to develop and strengthen this quality and magnify their basic urge to explore all the details of their environment.

6. SELF-REWARDING SEX. It is impossible to draw up a complete list of the functions of sex without including a category based on the idea that there is a thing as ‘sex for sex’s sake’; sexual behavior, the performance of which brings its own reward, regardless of any other consideration. The function is closely related to the last one, but they are nevertheless distinct.

7. OCCUPATIONAL SEX. This is sex operating as occupational therapy, or, if you prefer, as an anti-boredom device. It is closely related to the last category, but again can be clearly distinguished from it. There is difference between having spare time and being bored. Self-rewarding sex can occur as just one of many ways of constructively utilizing the spare time available.

8. TRANQUILIZING SEX. Just as the nervous system cannot tolerate gross inactivity, so it rebels against the strains of excessive over-activity. Tranquilizing sex is the other side of the coin from occupational sex. Instead of being anti-boredom, it is anti-turmoil. When faced with an overdose of strange, conflicting, unfamiliar or frightening stimuli, the individual seeks escape in the performance of friendly old familiar patterns that serve to calm his shattered nerves.

9. COMMERCIAL SEX. Prostitution has already been mentioned, but only from the point of view of the customer. For the prostitute herself the function of copulation is different. Subsidiary factors may be operating, but primarily and overwhelmingly it is straightforward and commercial transaction. Commercial sex of a kind also figures as an important function in many marriage situations, where one-sided pair-bond exists: one partner simply provides a copulatory service for the other in exchange for money and shelter. The provider who has developed a true pair-bond has to accept a mock one in return.

10. STATUS SEX. With this, the final functional category of sexual behavior, we enter a strange world, full of unexpected developments and ramifications. Status sex infiltrates and pervades our lives in many hidden and unrecognized ways. It is concerned with dominance, not with reproduction, and to understand how this link is forged we must consider the differing roles of the sexual female and the sexual male. Although a full expression of sexuality involves the active participation of both sexes, it is nevertheless true to say that, for the mammalian female, the sexual role is essentially a submissive one, and for the male it is essentially an aggressive one.

 
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Posted by on February 22, 2013 in EDUCATION, HEALTH, PSYCHOLOGY

 

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(PG 13) SHE COMES FIRST: Closing the sex gap

You should be kissed, and often, and by someone who knows how.” CLARK GABLE, Gone with the Wind

By Alex P. Vidal

NEW YORK CITY — Let’s be honest and heal the shame that binds us.
In a book about the thinking man’s guide to pleasuring women, She Comes First, Dr. Ian Kerner, a clinical sexologist and evangelist of the female orgasm, explains why “the tongue is mightier than the sword” and about “the courtesy that counts,” among other methods that seek to understanding female sexuality.
“As women everywhere will attest,” writes Kerner, “when it comes to understanding female sexuality, most guys know more about what’s under the hood of a car than under the hood of a clitoris. And while it seems that men have struggled valiantly since the dawn of time to find ways to reliably elicit the female orgasm, rare is the guy who has the modesty to ask: ‘What do I do?’ Ironically, the answer has always been right there on the tip of his tongue.”
Oral sex has long been deemed an optional aspect of foreplay, but, in fact, it’s coreplay–simply the best way of leading a woman through the entire process of sexual response, according to the sexologist from the American Academy of Clinical Sexologists.
Fun, informative, and easy to read, She Comes First is a virtual encyclopedia of female pleasure, detailing dozens of tried-and-true techniques for satisfying a woman and illustrated step-by-step instructions to ensure success.

METHODS

These simple methods represent a new era in sexual intimacy, one in which the exchange of pleasure occurs on a level playing field and fulfillment is mutual.
She Comes First offers a fresh new sexual philosophy that inspires every man to make a mantra of Rhett Butler’s infamous line to Scarlett O’Hara, “You should be kissed, and often, and by someone who knows how.”
In the “Confessions of a Premature Ejaculator,” Kerner stresses that when it comes to pleasuring women and conversing in the language of love, “cunnilingus should be every man’s native tongue.”
As bestselling sex author Lou Paget has written, “Ask most women, and if they’re being honest, they will admit that what makes them hottest and come hardest is when a man can use his tongue well.”
But as with any language, explains Kerner, in order to express yourself fluently, in order to make your subject sing and soar, you must be thoroughly acquainted with the rules of grammar and style.

ELEMENTS OF STYLE

“One of my favorite books on the subject is the indispensable classic Elements of Style,” he points out. “I don’t think I would have made it through freshman comp, or survived college as an English major, without that slim, dog-earned paperback tucked away in my back pocket. In the able hands of author Strunk and White, grammar was not simply made understandable and meaningful–it was made beautiful.”
Kerner writes that “Elements of Style exhorted readers to ‘write boldly and make definite assertions.’ And in the spirit of that timeless classic, She Comes First will condense a wealth of experience and expertise into a simple, essential rule book; it will elaborate on the principles and philosophy that underlie those rules and, in doing so, offer nothing less than the definitive guide to the grammar of oral sex.”
The book is for those who want to learn how to give a woman “mind-blowing, body-rippling orgasms with the tongue every time.”
Although the author holds a Ph.D. in clinical sexology, the book is principally written from a practitioner’s perspective; by someone who knows and loves cunnilingus, appreciates its role in stimulating female sexual response, and has developed a methodology for consistently leading women to orgasm: one that stems from the conviction that cunnilingus is much more than just a sexual contentment. Call it the “way of the tongue,” suggests the author.

PREMATURE EJACULATOR

Let’s hear the confessions of the author, who is a premature ejaculator: “I’m not some Casanova or Don Juan, vainly putting words down on paper in order to boast and strut–far from it.
“Through much of my life I’ve suffered terribly from sexual dysfunction, and I know all too well the humiliation, anxiety, and despair of not being able to satisfy a woman. If anything, this book was written in the sincere hope that other men might develop effective ‘sexual habits’–ones that will enable them, along with their partners, to suffer less than I have, or perhaps not at all.”
He cites Tennessee Williams who wrote of the marriage bed in his play Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, “When a marriage goes on the rocks, the rocks are there, right there!”
“My initial forays into oral sex were a crutch, a way of compensating for my sexual inadequacies, and they were approached with the assumption that cunnilingus was a poor man’s second to the joys and splendors of ‘real sex’–like many, I took it for granted that intercourse was the ‘right way’ for couples to experience orgasms,” Kerner admits.

INFERIOR

“But, to my surprise, I discovered that the ‘way of the tongue’ was by no means inferior to intercourse; if anything, it was superior, in many cases the only way in which women were able to receive the persistent, rhythmic stimulation, outside of masturbation, necessary to achieve an orgasm.
“I quickly learned that oral sex is real sex, and later in lifr, when I happened to come across a copy of the seminal Hite Report on Female Sexuality, I was reassured to find that women consider oral sex to be ‘one of their most favorite and exciting activities; women mentioned over and over how much they loved it.’ When it comes to pleasure, there is no right or wrong way to have an orgasm–the only thing that’s wrong is to assume that women need or value them any less than men do.”
In her article “Just Be a Man: Six Simple Suggestions,” sex columnist Amy Sohn’s very first piece of advice is, “A man goes down. No excuses. No hesitation.”
But once down there, what’s a man to do? The vast majority of women complain about guys who don’t like to do it, don’t know how to do it, or simply don’t do it nearly enough.

HARD TO FIND

Flannery O’Connor was right: a good man is hard to find, especially one who’s good at taking a leisurely stroll downtown. But once found, a skilled cunnilinguists rarely goes unappreciated.
In her essay “Lip Service: On Being a Cunning Linguist,” author and sex columnist Anka Radakovich sings the praises of a boyfriend who specialized in oral sex: “I become tongue-whipped (the female equivalent of pussy-whipped) and even offered to do his laundry if he would come over and satisfy me. After two months, I put a framed photo of his tongue on my desk.”
The confessed premature ejaculator further adds: “Those who know me know I’m a private person. I wouldn’t dream of confiding my battles with sexual dysfunction to the world if I didn’t wholeheartedly believe that there was a compelling need for this book. I know this based on what I’ve read, what I’ve been told, and, most important, what I’ve experienced firsthand as a clinical sexologist: not only do women crave and enjoy cunnilingus; they require it.
“Any sex therapist will tell you that the number one complaint they hear over and over from women is of an inability to experience orgasm during penis-vagina intercourse. The solution is not simply ‘more foreplay,’ as magazines often chide us, but rather the skillful extension of those activities we associate with foreplay, namely oral stimulation, into complete, fully realized acts of lovemaking–transformation of foreplay into nothing less than coreplay.”

BEYOND PENETRATION

Kerner’s book is not anti-intercourse, but rather pro–“outercourse”– a conception of sex that goes beyond penetration, embraces mutual pleasure, and is better suited to stimulating the female sexual anatomy to orgasm.
This model, stresses the author, doesn’t exclude intercourse, but instead promotes the postponement of male gratification until after a woman has achieved her first (but hopefully not last) orgasm during a session of sexual activity–a deferment that has the double benefit of vouchsafing female satisfaction while also significantly enhancing the quality of the male climax.
The book espouses the postponement of gratification, not the postponement of enjoyment, he emphasizes.
Kerner’s book offers man and women a surefire “bird in the hand” approach to good sex, as opposed to the high-stakes “all or nothing” proposition of intercourse. It’s time to close the sex gap and create a level playing field in the exchange of pleasure, and cunnilingus is far more than just a means for achieving this noble end; it’s the cornerstone of a new sexual paradigm, one that exuberantly extols a shared experience of pleasure, intimacy, respect and contentment. It’s also one of the greatest gifts of love a man can bestow upon a woman.

 
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Posted by on October 24, 2011 in EDUCATION, HEALTH, PSYCHOLOGY

 

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